By Swapna Ray
Oftentimes we have small furrows of conditioning that make us reluctant to accept what is desired of us. So, the gap remains – between what we know and what we follow! But God has His own little ways of making us do what He wants us to!
The moment I completed my breakfast at Belur Math, a strange realization dawned upon me that unknowingly I had broken the convention that I had held on to for so many years – of not having any food prior to my visit to temple! But here I was, succumbing to His wishes without my knowledge! If my Thakur was smiling or not, at having check-mated me in this wonderful way, I wouldn’t know but I did realize for the first time in many years that He shows us what is right when the time comes!
I headed towards the Math not far away from the Guest House. The nearer I approached my destination, the faster became my heartbeat! It was an ethereal feeling mixed with joy unbound, a nameless feeling that can only be felt deep within. Each heartbeat I skipped resonated with the culmination of emotions that had bundled within me in these six years that I hadn't had the chance to come here. The closest I could think of was the feeling that I had experienced years ago when I had my first homecoming from my stay abroad after my marriage. 'Homecoming' would perhaps be the most apt name for this feeling of waves of unbound emotions!
As I entered the sanctum of my soul, I found only a few devotees seated here and there – scattered in distances. I sat the closest to the statue of my Thakur! Mesmerized, I experienced the warmth of the closeness to my God – the type of warmth I had always longed for! At that moment my Thakur seemed to have transcended the barrier of divinity and had become my confidant. Unhesitant, I poured out everything that was within me – my anger, my complaints, my grief about losing my near ones. My tear-soaked gaze searched for solace in the silhouette of divinity that was seated in front of me. “I have come to you with unending emptiness, dear Thakur. Having lost my parents, my dear ones, my house, my childhood, my heart is now an empty coffer. Fill me with your love, give me that space under your feet where I may get eternal peace and happiness.”
He heard me! Within me, I could sense that surge of peace touching every part of my soul! I may not have gotten back what I had lost but what I gained in return was perhaps much more than that!
He lies within my soul entrapped,
Unwilling to be lost ever,
In that glitter of eyes, in that surge of light,
In every corner, I find him, forever!
To be continued.....
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